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Finding your voice is critical to expressing your authentic self
Have you ever been faced with a blank page — or screen — and felt paralyzed, like you just didn’t know what to say or write? Or maybe, like many, you know exactly what you want to say, but you felt afraid to say it?
Finding your voice isn’t something that always comes easy and naturally, especially if your voice was silenced in the past. The reality is, it’s less about “finding” your voice and more about “uncovering” your voice and being willing to share it with others.
Sharing your voice is an important part of being visible, whether the stage is social media, a work or business meeting, or speaking up for yourself. And it’s not only about sharing, but being able to share what is 100% authentically you.
If speaking your truth feels challenging, you’re not alone. Whatever stage you’re in, you can find, uncover, and use your voice for what’s important to you.
What it really means to find your voice
Your voice isn’t something you find; it’s something that’s already a part of you. But often, factors like society and cultural pressures, past trauma and experiences, and self-doubt and fear, you haven’t felt comfortable sharing your voice.
As an introvert myself, I can attest that finding your voice and speaking your truth isn’t about being the loudest or most opinionated person in the room. It’s also not about having the most perfect message or being super polished.
Finding your voice is about expressing what’s true for you, being your authentic self, and sharing from a grounded, integrated place (meaning, you don’t have to hide who you are or have an out of body experience to do it!)
Your voice is your power, whether you’re sharing it literally, on a page, or on a screen. Your voice encompasses your POV, your lived experience, and your values and principles. Your words, whether written or said aloud, softly or shouted, are powerful.
Why it’s so hard to speak your truth
If you experience difficulty in speaking your truth, you’re not alone. This happens to many of us for many reasons, which can include:
- We got shut down in the past, whether in childhood or adulthood, when we chose to speak up for ourselves.
- We learned through our experiences that it doesn’t matter when we speak up for ourselves. We may have even learned that there are negative consequences for doing so.
- Instead of being rewarded for speaking our truth, we may have been punished for it: mentally, emotionally, sometimes even physically.
As women, we may have learned early on that it was better to be seen and not heard. Whether due to the witch wound or any other number of wounds we carry personally and culturally, speaking up and being heard can pose a challenge.
Because of our past experiences around sharing our voices and our truth, instead of speaking up like we want to, we may…
- shut down out of fear of judgment
- avoid the pain of being misunderstood by not saying anything at all
- be overly concerned about rejection or conflict
- choose to stay quiet or agreeable out of safety
- assume that what we have to say isn’t important or valuable
The cost of not using your voice
Living in a world where injustices occur on every street corner and in the world at large, speaking up and using our voices is important.
Even though you are one person, your voice matters. The more you use it, especially in an embodied, integrated way, the easier it becomes… and the more power you reclaim.
When you don’t use your voice, you hold yourself back. You don’t share yourself and your opinions with the world. You remove your ability to influence others.
If you’re not using your voice, you may experience the internal struggle that comes from wanting to speak up but not being able to do so. (This feels a lot like being in “functional freeze”.)
This sense and visceral feeling of not speaking your truth can weigh heavily on your soul and conscience.
Or maybe you are sharing your voice, but you’re not being entirely authentic when doing so. Instead, you might find yourself over-editing your words, softening your opinions to please others, or saying what feels acceptable instead of what feels true for you.
The truth is, the more you can speak your authentic truth, the more confident, powerful, and free you will feel.
How to find your voice (practical steps)
Finding your voice doesn’t have to take years or decades. You can start small, where you are now. Here are a few ways to get started:
1. Notice what you think.
You already have thoughts and opinions, whether or not you share them. Start noting those thoughts and opinions. You might start a journal where you write what you really think. You might record a voice note when you find yourself having a strong response to something.
2. Pay attention to what you care about most.
Usually, what you’re most opinionated about is aligned with what you care most about. So start paying attention to what you feel passionate about, what grinds your gears, and what moves you to tears. Anything that sparks emotion is something to take note about; it shows you care.
3. Start expressing yourself.
Whether you choose to express yourself in a private journal, on the Notes app in your phone, or in a private Google doc, create a sacred space to start expressing your authentic self. You don’t have to share your sacred space; It’s just for you.
4. Don’t judge yourself.
So often our inner critic wants to pipe in and criticize our opinions and our truth, just as we imagine the outside world will do. It’s important to create a safe space for yourself, and this means safe from your own inner critic. When you hear it come up (because you will), ask your inner critic to step aside.
5. Give yourself permission.
Share when it feels good for you. When you’re burned out, following a conflict or argument, or feeling tender are not the best times to share, especially if it’s the first time. Give yourself permission to opt out when you don’t feel like it and try again when you do.
Speaking your truth requires safety (aka nervous system regulation)
Speaking your truth is easier said than done. What nobody tells you is that speaking your truth requires feeling safe in your nervous system. If you don’t feel safe, taking action to share your voice can feel uncomfortable, and even dangerous.
Expression can feel like exposure, especially in risky environments.
- If you’re feeling gripped by fear or you’re feeling like you need to leave your body to utter the words you need to say, chances are, your body does not feel safe to do so.
- If there’s a chance you might be physically or emotionally harmed for speaking your truth, your environment likely does not feel safe to speak your truth.
So how do you start feeling safe to speak up?
While we may have less control over our external environment, one thing we do have some influence over is our bodies. That said, we can’t just tell our body that we are safe enough to speak up. We need to actually feel safe in our bodies to do so.
This means that your nervous system needs to be in a regulated state, not in flight or flight. This often takes assistance, awareness and practices to help us feel safe in our own bodies. The fear of being seen is a real fear and needs to be addressed as such.
Setting energetic and physical boundaries to support you
Just because you choose to share authentically does not mean you need to share every ounce of your life.
You are always in control of what you share and don’t share. You always get to choose, what you share and what stays private – and that may shift on a regular basis, depending on how you’re feeling.
This is what boundaries are for. Learn to set boundaries, in terms of what, how, and when you will share, as well as how you will respond. (Yes, you can plan this beforehand, which can reduce the worry substantially.)
In addition to setting those physical boundaries around what and when you share, it’s important to be mindful of your energetic boundaries.
If you don’t have strong energetic boundaries, you can exhaust yourself anytime you share. Instead, you want to stop the cycle and proactively take steps to manage and protect your energy, so that you don’t burn out.
What happens when you start using your voice
When you start using your voice, it can feel scary, but it also feels super empowering after having done so.
Sharing your voice is a practice, and like a muscle, you can strengthen your ability to speak your truth the more you do it. And when you do it, you experience all the benefits.
- You experience more clarity between what you think and what you say, because you’re not always second-guessing things in your head.
- You build stronger connections with others, because you’re showing up as your authentic self and showing people who you are.
- You experience the cohesive feeling that happens when your thoughts, words, and body are all in alignment: the feeling of being truly embodied in what you believe and being completely true to yourself.
The more you share your voice and speak your truth, the more you strengthen your visibility, or your ability to be seen. The more comfortable you are with being visible, the easier it becomes to share your voice and speak your truth, no matter the subject matter.
Finding and using your voice is part of being visible
Finding and using your voice is a key part of the work when it comes to being visible, whether in your business, in your career, or in a leadership role.
True visibility requires a knowing and willingness to express your authentic self, finding nervous system regulation within your body, and learning how to use your mindset to support you, while sharing your voice.
This fully integrated approach to visibility can help you not only share your voice, but show up and do so from a grounded, regulated, confident place. I created the SHINE Visibility Method in Show Up and Shine® based on these principles.
Expressing yourself and using your voice is a practice
Remember, you don’t need to “find your voice.” You need to remove the barriers that block you from using your voice, even if those barriers exist within your own mind and body, and even if they exist beyond you.
To start, you simply need to give yourself the permission to start. Don’t wait for the confidence to come before using your voice. Start expressing yourself and speaking your truth now, in small steps, and the confidence will come.
If life is calling for you to be more visible, whether in your career, business, relationships, or just for yourself, sharing your voice is part of the process.
If you’re feeling blocked by fear or self-doubt, or simply don’t know what to say, there’s support. Many who struggle with the fear of sharing their voice also struggle with the fear of being seen. If that’s you, the resource below can help.
